Here are reports of some people’s experiences with applying Perfect Relating.

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Roger Potter writes:

“Perfect Relating has given me the tools to get fully in touch with my needs and to know which needs are not being met. At a time of major change in all aspects of my life this has enabled me to understand how individual relationships meet or do not meet some of my needs and to make rational decisions about whether I should continue or end a relationship. This process has given me the space for new connections to develop in my new country of residence – and develop they have, much to my delight.

“I also now find myself much more willing to ask for what I want in all sorts of situations. I try to do that without having expectations but I have been amazed at how often the answer has been ‘yes’ or agreement has been possible with just a little negotiation.  As a result I find myself feeling much freer and ‘lighter’ and operating more ‘in the moment’.

“More seriously for me, over the last few months I have had to create my own plan for recovery from a serious illness for which conventional medicine appeared to have little to offer. I used the Perfect Relating needs scoring tool, making sure to drill down to anything that might possibly support my recovery. I was then able to identify the types of professional who would be able to help me and those things that I could do for myself. Once I had done this the people I needed to help me seemed to be on hand within days. I shared with them my recovery plan and subsequently gave them feedback on my progress by sharing appropriate parts of my electronic journal. The effect has been amazing as nearly all of the strands I had identified seemed to have come active together and the group of professionals I had assembled seemed to be working cooperatively as a team. Although I have a long way to go, real change is now apparent to me and people I meet comment on how much better and alive I seem.”

–Roger Potter, Wales UK

Sunny says:

“Learning perfect relating principles and applying them has been a surprising journey of changing from the inside out.

I went into the course work thinking it would simply enhance my communication skills and improve my relationships.  I had no idea that my way of thinking would change.  In fact, I didn’t even recognize how much my needs were not getting met until I began tackling the course exercises with a partner who took the course with me.

“As we’ve unpacked what we learn in perfect relating and help each other apply the new techniques, I experienced a growing ease in knowing what my needs are and effective strategies for asking that those needs be met.

My entire paradigm around communication and relating has been shifting as a result of Ryan’s Perfect Relating course.

My two biggest challenges when first beginning the course were identifying my needs and asking for them to be met. As I struggled through the process of properly identifying needs and developing strategies to take care of them, I discovered an unconscious “rule” in myself.  This rule said that I shouldn’t have needs and if I did have any they were only to be met after everyone else was taken care of.

Whoa!

Once I reckoned with that unconscious rule, the process of identifying needs and subsequent strategies was fairly easy.

And then the next challenge:  Asking.

Learning to ask for what I need has been a long time problem, especially given the underlying beliefs I had.  Yet, once the wrong thinking was exposed, it started feeling okay to ask for what I needed and / or to be transparent about how I felt.

I had a powerful experience just this last week around this topic.  A friend made a request. I thought about it briefly, recognized my needs, and said no.  When I responded, I was very polite and direct, and let him know what I could offer now and when I could offer the remainder of what he was asking for.

Why was this so powerful?  Sounds pretty straightforward, right?

It was so powerful because I had no internal stress. I applied the Perfect Relating principles to my own process and to how I communicated and that was that.  I didn’t labor over the decision.  I didn’t labor over the communication.  It was matter-of-fact, and not based upon any reaction I feared he would have or not have.  It just was how I felt and what I had to offer.

All of that from becoming conscious about my needs and being comfortable to have them and comfortable to say what they were.

A simple thing and yet a deeply profound shift for me.

-Sunny McCracken, California