Wouldn’t it be nice to totally overcome all jealousy, envy, possessiveness, and fear around relating?

To be able to react calmly and logically when faced with challenges or ‘competition’ in relating?

Let me tell you a story … A few years ago, I met a wonderful woman. We enjoyed each other immensely and spent a lot of time together.

And then, we were apart for a few weeks. She mentioned casually as we said goodbye that ‘a man’ would be coming to visit her next Friday night.

I relate openly (unfenced), so I told her, ‘No problem,’ and didn’t think much more of it. Until next Friday!

We always called and texted and mailed each other. It was great.

Until Friday evening.

Suddenly: radio silence.

She stopped responding to all my texts and calls.

This is when I remembered: THE OTHER MAN WAS THERE!

And thus began an evening of absolute hell for me…

My mind went into overdrive:

• What if she loves him better?
• What if he is a better lover than I am?
• What if she leaves me for him?

It was painful! My insides felt like someone was mashing all my organs together…

I wrote her an e-mail. And another. And another. I poured out my soul. Described all my pain. My suffering. My worry.

But somehow I had the presence of mind not to send them.

Because I was aware–some part of me was aware at least–that what was happening inside me was not real.

In other words:

• I didn’t know what was happening. Whether they were drinking tea or making love.
• I didn’t know whether he was cruising for a new main squeeze or just playing around.
• I didn’t know how much pleasure he could bring her.
• I didn’t really know what she felt for me, or how this interaction would effect that.

In other words, all of the fear, jealousy, envy, possessiveness, pain, suffering, and worry was all going on with no real information about the situation.

It was all fictional. None of it was real besides the fact that I wasn’t getting texts anymore, which could mean any number of things, and I knew she had planned a man to visit.

This is all.

Instead of fighting and struggling and worrying, I decided to confront my feelings.

I sat.

I sat with everything that was happening.

I just looked inside and watched.

The pain. The agony. The suffering. The worry.

I watched it. As if it wasn’t me (because it wasn’t).

Worst case scenario: she falls madly in love with him and leaves me.

In which case, I cannot change that.

So, worrying wouldn’t help.

And feeling horrible wouldn’t change anything, either.

And so I sat on my cushion for hours that night watching the extremely painful (but as my mind knew, fictional) things going on inside me.

A surprising thing happened, as I sat and observed myself.

They evaporated.

They disappeared. As if they were never there.

I felt fine again.

I erased all the emotionally crazy e-mails I had written.

I called the next morning to ask how things were.

And things were just fine. I went to see her later and we had an amazing time.

And this was the last time that I ever felt intense jealousy (actually envy) when a person I cared about was spending time with someone else. In fact, since then I have felt mostly joy whenever someone I love has joy, regardless of where, when, or with whom.

That was a watershed in my life.

I’ll return to the previous question: Would you like to let go of fear and pain around jealousy and envy? If so, learn Perfect Relating and we can begin the process of healing those parts of you that call these feelings out.