I want to show you an amazing article written by Andrea Zanin. But before I do, a bit of an introduction.
After two ‘successful in learning’ marriages, I began looking for new ways to interact with people.
And I quickly found polyamory. Some people claim that polyamory is the solution to the problems of monogamy. [See my article: the 8 Great Lies of Marriage]. But, after being ‘poly’ and meeting many poly people, I didn’t find solutions for happy relating. It was insufficient. Why?
At it’s base, polyamory says, “You can love more than one person [sexually]!”
But it doesn’t tell you how to do it.
The result is that nearly everyone takes that core idea of polyamory and puts the old pig relating model in some frilly clothes and then has the same problems as before.
Which is why I developed Perfect Relating. To start from scratch and create a system and a way of thinking that could actually tell you how you could have the highest chance of living polyamory–or monogamy, or any other “gamy” happily and effectively.
But first, what ideas are we bringing into ‘poly’ that hasn’t served us in ‘monogamy’?
This article describes a few things:
- Thinking in terms of ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’. [Sound like marriage?]
- By using terms like ‘poly couple’. [Does this also sound like the typical bf/gf or hubby/wife structure?]
- By putting up lots of rules around our relating. [Does this sound like marriage?]
All of these are antithetical to enjoying real life, being in the now, and authentic connection. Which is what Perfect Relating encourages.
“Whether you’re single or part of a couple already, how can you possibly “design” a relationship with someone new before you’re in it? How can you do anything but decide on a case-by-case basis? Trust and intimacy and connection and chemistry and life situations and energy levels – these are not things that can be known ahead of time, precisely because they are about what happens when two (or more) people come together and something new and unforeseen is created.”(From SexGeek Andrea Zanin )
Words of wisdom.
With Perfect Relating, we learn to 1) know what we need 2) ask for it, and 3) negotiate. The actual structure or name of our relating becomes irrelevant.